New year, new you?

That’s it!. We finally made it. 2020 is now left behind and we’ve got a new and exciting year ahead of us. We are at the fresh start stage of these 12 months so this is the best moment -if you still haven’t done it- to start figuring out that list of resolutions for the new year.

It can be anything from start working out on a regular basis, improving your diet, quitting smoking -very common this one-, learning something new, like a different language or playing an instrument, finding another job,...

All those are good examples of the average content of a regular person’s resolutions list, and I think it’s perfectly fine. What I don’t like is the fact -or excuse- of waiting until the start of a new year for making a list like that. You should push yourself to achieve these types of goals no matter whatever the calendar says.

I get it. It’s what everybody says, right? New year, new life, and all that.

While I don’t agree with that, I do understand the power of the motivation behind that affirmation.

So, let’s say you are ready to take the leap. You feel this motivation for doing something new or improving a specific aspect of your life. Please, allow me a piece of advice. Let’s try to be a better human beings.

Since we are pretty much a social species and we need to share our existence with many other people, I think it’s never too late to try to be a better person. See, that’s something I try to do day after day. And that’s not something we should all do to improve only our relationship with others, but also to feel better with ourselves. After all, whom do you spend more time with than yourself?

I must confess that sometimes I might feel sad. Sometimes I can be angry and upset and I don’t especially enjoy those moments but that’s how I am. In the recent past, I have tried to improve those emotions while convincing myself that it was wrong to feel anger at any given time. Take this advice from Bruce Lee as a good example.

‘Be like water, my friend’. Such good advice from somebody who was fixing all his arguments with the fists.

Look, I know that nobody is perfect. Every single one of us has some room for improving, starting with me. But to be honest, your whole personality with your ups and downs, your pros and cons, your goodness and your flaws make you who you are. And all that makes up your personality, which is why your family and friends love you. But still, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve things by polishing a bit of those rough edges your personality probably has. However, you must be careful. Don’t go out there thinking that you shouldn’t ever feel sad or angry like I did. Just try to take advantage of the state of mind you are in at the time. With respect and love towards yourself and others, there’s no possible harm.

Let me explain to you all this a bit better with an example. See, every one of us has a dark side. I’m sure that even those famous and kind as hell personalities like Gandhi and Mother Teresa also had this dark side within, although it was probably a very tiny one. Mine is not that tiny, however, it used to be much bigger. Time and experience has taught me how to manage that part of me, and also how to take advantage of it.

Anger is one of the main emotions within the dark side and I can say that when I’m angry -even just a bit- I feel strong, both physically and mentally. While feeling hanger is commonly seen as something negative, there’s also some positive stuff to take from it.

I recently read an article about a study made with several individuals related to swearing. According to this study, those who were saying bad words out loud felt stronger. That doesn’t mean you need to be calling ‘bastard’ and some other nasty things to every single person you come across, no. The system works absolutely fine when swearing with no one around you. Believe me, I have tried. In fact, it’s much nicer that way as you can still feel strong during those moments of slight discomfort while alone with yourself, and at the same time, be able to behave like a civilized person in front of others. Take it as the exhaust of a petrol car. All the black fumes generated inside the engine, go out through that exhaust pipe to the outside world. So saying bad words out loud when you are angry works the same way, although you are not polluting the environment like petrol cars do.

Another good example of this fact is when people go to watch a football game at the stadium -remember when people did that?-. While in the heat of the moment, they would shout like crazy calling anything but pretty things to the referee and the rival team players. And that would happen at the end of the week. Can you imagine such a huge relief on those football fans after a whole working week? Who needs a psychoanalyst when you can scream like a crazy bastard next to thousands of more bastards screaming like you or even louder?

My point is, you can’t always be happy and wonderful 24/7, every single day. Come on, we don’t live in a perfect world surrounded by colourful rainbows, unicorns and bloody small hugging bears. The real world has a pretty face and an ugly one, so we need to be able to shift the state of our mind at our will. Yes, be always nice to others but if somebody touches your buttons, you have to defend yourself and set some firm boundaries. It’s good to be nice but don’t be too nice as to become stupid for some bastards out there will see that and they will take advantage.

‘Be like water’, ‘turn the other cheek’. My ass! That’s the best way to get bullied, dammit. Allow a bully to disturb you just once and they will come over and over again. Set your boundaries defending yourself and they will never come again near you. I also know this from personal experience.

There was this guy at school back in the 20th century when I was about 12. He would come around calling me nasty things. I think the fella was gay and he was just falling for my bones. Anyway, one day after class, he went again after me until I finally grew tired of so much bullshit. I took him aside and in front of everybody, I told him in a firm way to stop bothering me for good. There was no violence, no verbal nor physical aggression, no bad words, just a firm will of setting my boundaries with the guy. You know what, the very next day he became the nicest person and from there I never had any problems with him, more the contrary, the guy was all smiles and good manners from then onwards.

There’s no better school than life itself, no doubt on that.

I hope you enjoyed this first post of 2021. Before I go, I would like to leave you with this very special song, hoping it will inspire you while we are still beginning to walk the uncharted path of this new year.

And remember, if there’s something you are not happy with about your life or about yourself, change it. Not tomorrow, not next year. Now.