The Power of Introverts

I always say that reaching a stable condition of happiness is the main goal in life. However, how can we do that if we fail to know ourselves good enough? How can we be happy if we don’t truly know what we like and what we don’t?

After reading an extraordinary book about the human mind and what it means to be an introvert, I have recently stepped further into knowing myself. So now I’m ready to share with you my biggest recently discovered secret.

Hi, my name is Mario and I’m an introvert.

Being an introvert feels almost like from another planet in a world full of people who can’t stop talking and socializing -don’t mind the actual pandemic global situation stuff-. But what’s exactly an introvert? Long story short - it’s just the opposite of an extrovert. While that might be quite self-explanatory, it’s really not that simple.

Most people mistake being introvert for being shy. But the truth is, you can be shy but not introverted and vice versa. In my case, now I can see that I have been an introvert all my life, but I was also shy during my childhood and teenage.

Even though medicine doesn’t recognize being introverted as some type of Autism, I very much think there are some similarities in both conditions, being the lack of skills for social interaction the strongest resemblance between them.

I do remember being a teenager and spending most of my time in my bedroom when at home. I could be at the computer, reading on my bed or just listening to music. Except for mealtimes and using the toilet, I pretty much spent all day inside my room. So eventually my mother came to me one day: ‘I think we need to take you to a shrink. You have very unsocial behaviour’, she said. And I don’t blame her at all. I would probably have done the same if I were in her shoes. My first reaction to that was something like ‘What the hell?’. But then I started to think about it. I then realized that she was right, that there was something wrong in my mind as I was spending all day on my own, talking to nobody. And that, in a house of five people, was something a bit weird. So I eventually agreed and went with her to visit a specialist.

To be honest, that single -an only- visit to that shrink didn’t do much. Well, to be honest, it did. After that, I came to the point of accepting myself the way I was. I don’t like to socialize, so what? was my thought at then. As I mentioned before, on top of that I was a shy individual so you can imagine my struggle given that I belong to a big family where weddings, communions, Christmas celebrations and birthdays are constantly happening throughout every single year, congregating a big noisy crowd.

So what makes somebody an introvert? They -we- are usually quiet people. We tend to listen much more than talking. We like the sound of silence, we choose to spend our time in quiet places and we don’t like noisy and overcrowded environment. We can spend hours just thinking in silence while looking through the window at the world passing by, while travelling by train, for example. We enjoy a private chat with a best friend but we feel lost and overwhelmed within a group of people, no matter how close to us they might be. Although we consider ourselves very special people, we don’t like to be under the spotlight. We are intelligent and have an incredible ability to deeply focus on any task at hand with little effort, which might make us not the ideal candidate for multitasking, but the perfect one for making sure something is perfectly done by the book. We are reliable and confident for we will do our best at any given task, in the most efficient manner. We are kind, honest, we enjoy discussing and debating about an interesting subject but reject fighting on both verbal and physical levels. We don’t like to raise our voice nor to impose our will upon others for we like to listen to what others have to say and very much respect their point of view. We are friends of nature but we also enjoy a private corner within the architectural beauty of any given city. We are very sensitive people as we get goosebumps when listening to our favourite music and can easily cry when watching an emotive movie or reading a touching book.

All that sounds quite nice and lovely, but what about the downsides? Well, that’s a good point. Being people who enjoy spending our time with ourselves means that we struggle when around a company of more than two people. I personally feel very comfortable talking one to one to anybody but things start to change when adding more and more people to the conversation. Talking to two people at a time can be just ok, but with a third one, things start to feel a bit uncomfortable. This is again what I mentioned before about multitasking. We like to focus our full attention on one person only and lend them our ears for everything they have to say.

Now, things start to be really uncomfortable for us within the work environment. We feel awful at job meetings and we don’t connect too much with anybody so we may look dodgy, unfriendly, serious, definitely unsocial and too quiet. But see, in our society, there’s a need for balance. Some people talk too much and some other people don’t talk at all. So yeah, I feel that within the work environment our colleagues think of us as weird people. That’s why introverts are perfect for working on their own within a small company or going self-employed and freelance.

If all these characteristics feel familiar to you, my congratulations. You are either one of us or you know an introvert. Maybe both. Either way, you should feel lucky. In a world so noisy, with people talking and shouting all around non-stop, feels good to be different. Mostly now that I know that I’m not a weirdo for preferring to spend my time reading a book under a tree on a warm Spring afternoon, rather than drinking pint after pint in a pub while watching football with a bunch of strangers talking loudly.

In case all this information about introverts is something new for you, don’t be surprised. We have been around for some time now. Remember there are quiet people out there. Don’t think of us as freaks because we don’t talk much or because we enjoy solitude, or just because we may spend hours staring at the horizon minding our own business. We are just different. Not better or worse than you. Just different.

I cannot finish this post without giving you the details of the book I mentioned at the beginning, the one that opened my eyes and my mind in a way I can’t even fully describe.

‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain

“For far too long, those who are naturally quiet, serious or sensitive have been overlooked. The louder have taken over - even if they have nothing to say.

It’s time for everyone to listen. It’s time to harness the power of introverts. It’s time for Quiet.”

Thanks so much, Susan Cain.